What a week, really. For me, the multiple jobs thing is starting to take its toll. Don't get me wrong, business is good. Great, actually. I'm just a tad over-committed. My phone rings all the time. I'm either working late, "sleep working," where I lay on the couch laptop open and intermittently peck away between naps, or I wake up at 4 and crank out a deck or whatever. I love what I do. Really. I just need a small vacation.
So I feel bad. I sat on the Jose Lima death until it was no longer relevant. Then Paul Gray of Slipknot kicks it and I'm thinking - well that would be a nice two-fer, but I had too much work work. Then Linkletter came across and it was just getting ridiculous. Pat Stevens would have broken the bank, were it not for Gary Coleman on the same day.
I have mixed feelings about putting Gary Coleman in a "class." He really deserves his own Cel-o-bit. But, it's just how the week went down. To do a Gary Coleman feature would be to ignore all these other cats, and it just ain't right, ya know?
So, what about Lima? Colorful guy. Dominant on the mound every now and then. I have been a member of the East Norwalk Diamond Association fantasy baseball league since 2001, and I went and researched his AL years to try to see if I ever "owned" him. Alas, I did not.
Paul Gray? Here's the thing about Paul. I never knew the first thing about him until the day he died. Have I been a fan of Slipknot? Positively -- frankly since the beginning. And, while I always knew they had a bassist (who doesn't?), I never knew the dude's name.
So, check this out. I'm in a "nice" Ford Taurus on the way to Covington, GA. They comped me XM Radio. So, I fiddled around -- and low and behold I see the words "Paul Gray Guest DJ" on one of the channels. Turns out, Mr. Green did a spot as a guest metal DJ back in 2006, and they had the recording. The main thing I learned about Paul was that he likes to say "Fuckin'" a lot, and he happened to have a pretty serious lisp. So, there you go. As for the set, it was a lot of fun. He played some MegaDeth, some Judas Priest, oh, and some Slipknot. The Slipknot song was "Metabolic" from the Iowa album and Paul made a joke about how nobody plays it, so it was his ASCAP gift to himself and the bandmates. So, if you want to salute Paul Green over the Memorial Day holiday, play Metabolic for him.
I have to say, for me Art Linkletter really wasn't all that relevant to me. Different generation. I hate to give the guy short shrift, but he really doesn't mean a whole lot to me next to erratic pitchers, metal bassists, and voice talent.
Enter Pat Stevens. Not the one you're thinking of. This woman was the voice of Velma, among other things. And for being the voice of Velma and coining the phrase "Jinkies," you get your own star on my perverse walk of fame. I don't have a specific Velma recollection, other than realizing at an early age that she was decidedly not attractive. Unlike Gilligin's Island and its "Ginger / Marianne" debate -- there is no such thing in Scooby Doo land. It's all Daphne, and Velma is far down the list.
So that brings us to the headliner, the showstopper. The icon of tragic child stars. The one and the only Gary Coleman.
I just lost thirty minutes of my life trying to track down the Different Strokes promos that introduced the world to Gary Coleman. They were mock press conferences with Gary coming off as really smart and beyond his years. If someone finds them, let me know.
Of all the seventies sitcoms, Different Strokes seems to be encircled with the most mythology. There's the whole "Curse" thing what with the tragic lives of Gary, Dana, and Todd. I believe the curse is so sticky because the tragic arc of these individuals is so radically different than the characters they portrayed. They were all so damn cute, how could they possibly be on drugs, prostitute themselves, steal things. It was all so dissonant.
In particular, Gary Coleman has made a career out of being a pathetic has-been. Corey Haim has nothing on Gary Coleman.
I actually remember the beginnings of Gary as "famous for being famous." One of my friends from the Modem Media San Francisco office, had to be Cloud, called me and said "you'll never guess who is in our office repping a Web site....Gary Coleman."
The walls of my innocent boobtube childhood were shattered. Arnold Jackson was not supposed to be at the Modem San Fran office. He was supposed to be cute and on my television. It was the end of my innocence. I really never got used to Gary as the guy just trying to make it, trading off his childhood celebrity.
Wow, that was well over ten years ago, and Gary has been at it ever since. Several lame promotional gigs, notorious media blow-ups, even an appearance on Divorce Court. This was the tragic Gary we all know and love today.
Even though I trade in this business, for my money I'll take little Gary, er...rather child Gary. Like Art Linkletter, I don't have much use for Gary Coleman 2.
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